Updated: Nov 20, 2021
Go to a coffee shop, get a coffee and sit. Just sit. I mean how hard can it be?
I have yet to do this and it's been almost 2 years I realize.
I am currently sitting with a beer.
I have my computer.
It's Friday afternoon and I am meeting my boyfriend for dinner, but I have time to spare.
I was sort of hungry, but I really just craved an IPA. I walked by 2 coffee shops, thought to myself, hmm maybe I'll sit there and have a scone and coffee, but I'm like nah, really not in the mood.
Then I walked by this perfect little place called "City Goose". My sisters nickname is Goose, there was a sign that said "wifi" and a cute window with a high top table. So to me, this was a BINGO.
I love this mood, but can I sit here without my computer?
Duh. Yes. Maybe, I don't know.
Would I sit for 2 seconds, then pull out my phone. Probably.
See this is the predicament.
I love being alone. I love having my space, my time to myself, my time to re-energize.
There are certain things I associate with other people and if I do these things alone, I feel lonely or awkward. I associate things like eating out, going to the bakery or having a beer with friends, with my boyfriend, with family... literally anyone but alone.
When I walk by solo ladies eating a nice meal, having a glass of wine and just enjoying... I am like HOW? What a superstar. I love seeing this, its empowering. One of my best friends will treat herself to sushi and a beer when she is having an off day... that is the last thing I could bring myself to do when I'm having a bad day.
Funny though, because when I sat down here at City Goose, this European young lady sat 2 seats down from me. She was doing exactly what I fear. She was so pretty, so calm. She sat with her water and ordered a pizza. Again, I was like HOW?! We chatted. Felt so humane.
I can do pretty much anything alone, except sit. Except sit and do things that in my mind "are meant to be done together". This is probably one of the biggest blocks I have, and I can't quite grasp it. Why?
That's the reality. That's what I'm working on.
Does this sound crazy to you? Or can you relate?
PS. I'm having a great time here. I think I'll put my computer away now and try.
And what though? Look out the window? K brb.